Saturday, June 27, 2009
i really don't know what to do .. i don't want to be in the situation like previously ..
when crying is all i do day and night .. i REALLY REALLY don't want that again ..
but i want don't want to be in that state again meaning i will lose a friend , that i love and trust so much .. but having this friend means only hurt and tears then what is the point ? questioning myself again and again . but right till today , i haven got an answer yet .. however i have already prepared for the worse when school reopen . preparing for the worse does not mean that i see things in a negative way .. i am just preparing myself for the worse , because if it really happen , i won't hurt that much .. right ? that's the least i can do for myself .. i needa be strong , only I know WHAT i WANT and WHAT i NEED .. getting back into the previous situation means alot , for my condition now .. things will really turn nasty if it get's out of hand .. i just hope that i am able to walk through it now and get a better life in the future ..
in additional i do have supports from alot of people .. i won't wanna let myself down neither do i wanna let them down .. i will definitely do my best and shine brighter than the previous time and reach my destination with fame and glory ..
Thursday, June 25, 2009
okayy .. staying at home and basically rotting .. todayy is really dam hell BORED ! initially meeting some one but .... uhhs forget it -.-''
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staying at home alone , i actually did alot of thinking ..
you see , action speaks louder den words , if u bloody dont show me wad u mean den dun say it .. right ? wad's the point saying ? show it to me ! or only good at saying ? and doing is only for 'other' ppl ? you guys see ahh, humans tend to ABUSE other ppl TRUST and LOVE and they bloody take CARE for granted .. they think that everything they have is wad they deserve and some people when they get a better one they forgot the old one !no matter how useful was it ONCE AGO ! now got handphone who bloody hell still use pager ? huhh ? who still even rmb how useful it was once ago ?! fk up right? that's us .. including myself i can say .. 'some' might know wad i m talking bout .. i guess? wadeva it is .. i still lead my life happily and everything .. nthh's gonna pull me down .. not ANYMORE ! FCUK OFF `
ii've got attitude so ..? ((: ` i dunnid u to bloody judge me .. u aint any better bytch / bastards ((: `
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Constantly reminding myself that i will not allow myself to fall ..
I have the encouragement of so many people , my family , relatives , friends and teachers ..
I have so many wonderful things and people in my life .. but it only takes one minor and meaningless frustration and i will not see my beautiful life anymore ..
Some one told me before , rather den being sad bout things that you don't have , why don't u be happy with the things u have ? `
Another Some one also told me before , what doesn't kill us will make us grow stronger ..
For people that are close with me should know that i was really really depress-ed earlier in the year .. and many a times i just breakdown all of a sudden , unable to control myself .. now that i know i am better and many people also saw that .. i will not let those meaningless things ruin my life and i wont allow myself to fall again ..
I am really trying very hard to keep on this track .. To those that are trying really hard to pull me down , i aprreciate your effort .. But i won't be the victim that you hurt just for your own joy anymore .. i will now rely and depend on myself ..
[[ so get lost , and don't come and try to cheat me again or wad so ever thanks ((: ]]
Saturday, June 20, 2009
tired .. realli realli tired .. i have everything yet nothing .. i m not looking forward to my everyday now ..
behind the closed doors , i let my tears flow down my cheek
desperate for a peaceful night when i don't need to let my nightmares wake me from sleep .
the sun rises up and all i see was painful reality instead of rays of hope .
my shattered heart now had become ashes in the air .
never again will it be back like it was ,
even if there were eternity , the ashes are already in the air ,gone and never be seen again ..
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edit-ed
to you:
fslsms?whxn.rwlzndsbhhdan.tmyamoaoa.lywaic..
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
todayy ` met myy and went to north point to study ` study abit ` talk ALOT ! hahas .. den went over to 200+ to read story book ` myy so kiasu and she took so many books .. quite embarassing while in the library ` *waiting for msg* `
something happen-ed ytd [ family ] and was realli realli helpless,however i still managed to speak to someone i trust alot .. i was so so grateful .. that i dun even noe how to express myself ..
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can't bring myself to trust you again ` you were once my dearest fwen ` wad had happen-ed? ...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
MONDADYwoke up early , prepare and went to help my junior pay ppl money ` and ps junior and alex , cor me 41 times and 3 msg i still nv wake up ..around 7pm+ meet tony kor , eddie and ven jie .. was talking and having dinner .. den after that went over to plaze sing walk walk ..ven and eddie left . so me and tony train-ed home . from plaza sing send me till my block below den he travel back tiong bahru again ` thanks arhhs .. =x see u guys soon
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time machine don't exist` ..
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Friday
in the morning was at home , thinking and thinking... till in e afternoon went out did smthing den went over to meet humaira .. chatt-ed with her .. thanks babe , i'm glad u trust me enough to share bits of ur life with me .. and thanks for listening to me when i need a listening ear .. <33 ` lyk i told myy .. i m really really lucky to know everyone is 4A3 ` and my teachers .. i love u guys dam hell LOADS ! <33 `
after chatting with myy , went to pack food , cabb-ed myy home and head to tony's haus .. was at his haus talking to him and using com those .. till 11+ den go home .. hahas , i force him to dance for me to see ^^ ` that was realli funny. =x
Saturday
`met venesa , eddie and venesa's newphew at causeway point .. had lunch b4 heading to tony's haus .. and we put him and pauline at home ALONE ! and was talking and making fun bout "WAD" they all will be doing haha ! okayy and den headed to his haus played UNO and stuffs at his haus those .. after that 7pm+ headed to night safari ` haha .. quite fun ((: ` and was making fun of eddie and stuffs .. 10+ ` headed to east coast do fish spa .. venesa's de newphew[s] so cute ! haha .. they are much younger .. ((: ` okayy anyway after that headed to mac had a drink and *poof* everyone headed home . ` something happen-ed though and quite a spoiler . but decided nt to mention bout it `
` my own comment
if you are angry becos i m close to him den i've got nthh to say . more over you are nt his girlfriend . his so call-ed "hugging" me from behind,i realli tink it doesn't mean anything .. ` if you're jealous i'm really speechless .. - conscience clear -
Friday, June 12, 2009
went out at 1pm,meet aunt play with cousin blah blah blah den went home change clothes den reach bugis at 640pm to meet , venesa , eddie , tony and pauline.
broke down infront of them , and thanks ven jie .. for comforting me .. and i know they tried to make me smile .. went to watch the mark lee talk and was very funny .. after the talk after leave yea .. i told ven jie something and sobx sobx .. she all along walking behind comforting me .. the 1st time i met pauline ytd .. quite a nice lady ((: and she is after korkor HAHA ! anyway , ytd was not bad until i had a tiff-ed with her ..
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i am DESPERATE and i mean DESPERATE for ONE minute of your understanding .
waving goodbye to our friendship,the friendship that we have been protecting and embracing since the start .
but now it is left with ashes and unwanted dust .
i let your dream fulfil now you can have your every min and sec with ur love .
yea .. i am at fault to leave first , but that was the ONLY choice you gave me .
hurting me again and again , CRUSHING hope and trust till it's now left with nothing.Leaving me alone expecting TIME to heal me !when you are with your love while i cried like an idiot.
blame me all you want , cos it's only your love that you want .
TO OTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE . IF YOU THINK U ARE ONE THAT PUT RELATIONSHIP FIRST INSTEAD OF FRIENDSHIP THEN U SCRAM DUN BE MY FRIEND , AND BLOODY REFLECT WHEN U WITHOUT STEAD WHO IS THERE FOR U ! IF SO HEARTLESS SERIOUSLY BLOODY GO AND DIE !!!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
woke up today at 6+am meet shan go jogging den play badminton , after that go market buy things and breakfast for granny den came home * off i go to skul * .. meeting myy and gopal .. den saw sari and nandu on e way the 2 goondu tot got lit remedial hahah ! and bazlee and fir oso ! haha 4 dummy ((: .. after that went shan haus study .. weren't really studying .. just giggling ard -.-'' ! and not really in mood either haha .. okayy just crapping ..
myy ! i late agn haha,i know u going say ... its okkkaaayyyyy .. hhahhas ..
HEY 4A3 bytches ! and jerks ! better enjoy urself tmr for those who are going for the outing [ excluding me ] and tell me all about it ! haha LOVE YOU ALL ! 4A3`09 RAWKS !! <33 !
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Reasons And Explainations..
They Are Just Another Form Of EXCUSES..
But who dun use it haha ? silly .. i use it almost lyk everyday lo .. haha ! GO AWAY ! ((: ` ps i crazy -.-''
edit : ____ pm
- when was the last time u looked back into our friendship? *shattered* -
leave me alone .. you're long gone .. i've got a ice cold heart .. thanks to you .
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
okayy .. Today is our "friendship" birthdayy .. some of us know 10 yrs , 8 yrs , 4 yrs ... 4 yrs is junior haha ! .. okayy anyway .. hope that can spent all my years with you all ((: ` and thanks *secret* for the *secret* ytdd .. love it (: . <33
yesterday , went to 298 did something , den meet chen dinner and funland [ intended to study but no time ] after that meet tony @ woodlands .. go tony's haus , watched DVD [ his haus quite big lo haha ] den till ard 1am he cab me home .. den went home himself after seeing me to lift .. thanks uhhx .. anyway today is fun .. using ling's phone to msg and so on and so forth go kBOX sing sing play games .. makan crab those those .. but the onli bad thing is ..... i really emo today :( ` *cry* .. dunwan say le ltr i cry agains :(
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*iloveyou* `
*imissyou* `
*ineedyou* `
[[stay close]]
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ps myy let u wait so long today .. love u babe
Monday, June 8, 2009
The morning sun rises up,it filled the room with the brightest sunlight and the warmest heat.But it didn't manage to lit up the candle in my heart,hiding in the darkest corner in me.
Till the time the sun goes back,i didn't even realise how dark the sky was as it wasn't even a little dark compared to the darkest corner in my heart.Lighting up the only match stick i left , gaining warmth from it.Silently hoping that it'll last longer,long enough for me to see the world.
A breeze came by,blew off the weak flame,shattered my only hope in life to see the world on a bright side.My only source of light,heat,warmth is now gone.Leaving me alone expecting me to wait..wait till the day the sun is bright and hot enough to lit up the tiny candle in me,in the darkest corner in my heart.
Awaken by a *bang*,as i looked up everyone had set off to somewhere else.But where am i?I am off the track and lagging behind,seeing the dust left kicked behind.Unwanted and Un-needed ..
When i tried to make a step nearer to my destination,only then i realised that i was too weak to move.Falling right on the exact spot.And now,i am half way through still not giving up.I will CRAWL to my desired destination even if it means taking a longer time and taking an extra mile.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
ok lemme see .. orites , my blog i really dunno how make all this thanks my junior for her help .. can start ask my byycthes link me ? at least it's better den previously HAHA ! okayy .. anyway lemme talk bout ytd
yesterday is Qing's birthday .. happy birthday sayang , friend owaes .. ((: we BBQ beside 924 there .. eh we solid la .. BBQ pit we can cook soup FRY chicken Fry this Fry that .. LOL lyk our haus like that .. really enjoy it..we played game drink beer .. at 1st play with shan , kor , dan and jackson them still ok cos we drink got fruit de beer nias .. den i join QQ dem play wahhs they that group solid .. martell , chivas , barconi .. everything oso come out .. lucky i onli lost few round .. arbo str8 die there lOl..but i nv drunk ok!? haha .. left ard 11+,12am? headed to orchard W tony kor , venesa and eddie ` eddie drive drive us there .. then they catch bear bear and they go makan those .. they really funny haha .. enjoy spending time with them .. they are just lyk korkor and jiejie .. realli enjoy it with them haha .. then kor cab me home .. 3+am reach talk to kor on phone till 4+am.. 5+am bathe den sleep .
Today early in the afternoon or to say morning .. is a total shit .. however i feel better now ((: .. ok la post next time bye
Thursday, June 4, 2009
okayy lemmesee .. today , in e morning is lyk dam fun luhh ! haha .. we had our lit rememdial in e canteen .. den just nice prefect got CAMP got they actually cheer-ed in the canteen .. their '' lunch cheer '' .. so as the lamer in class i suggested that we will cheer too when we buy our lunchh .. so everyone is lyk agreed .. so bought lunch and everything .. * boys keep wanna eat 1st , so bad * then then i lead the class .. our cheer was C.R.U.S.H * hand gesture * lick LOL ! is lyk so lame .. but funny at the same time .. miss chong oso at there laugh laugh .. haha <33 my class dam loads .. u all just rawks lyk duno wad ! haha <33 .. i really enjoyed my day with them ((: ` is lyk so crazyyy .. haha .. another good news .. i broke my OWN 724 record "funland" which that record stayed there less than 3 days ! haha ! and guess wad? 729 new record ! i m gonna break it again and i m sure i can do it .. haha .. there'll be lesson tmr , very looking forward to it .. cos everyday with my classmates is sooooo fun .. and today the seminar .. we go wrong place :( den late :( den miss out 30min sucha waste ... and somehow can feel that miss chong is actually quite angry ? =x .. nahhs anyway .. overall .. today is great ((: ` and wanna know why ?
BECAUSE I HAVE MY 4A3 BYTCHES W ME AND NOT FORGETTING THE GUYS OSO HAHA .. AND AND OUR MAMA .. MISS CHONG HAHA ! WOOOOOOOOO .... 4A3`09 RAWKS .. <33333
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
i'm not gonna let anything affect me anymore ((: ` i m back .. for those who know , ealier on gina very depress , and almost lyk everyday something will happen .. but now ... i m not gonna let it happen again ! i m back ! ((:
firstly , it's seriously my teachers that had somehow made an impact in me that allowed me to come so far .. i couldn't thank them enuf .. an especially when i m lost and needa some one to talk to , to msg - with .. they are there .. wanna thank mdm lung for lending me her room to cry and not forgetting the encouragement that my dearest teachers had gave and of cos , not forgetting mrs hee an importantly miss dap . chong .. i LOVE u all really ((: ` u teachers RAWKS ! ... <33 North View <33 Teachers
Next , my dearest classmates .. those bitches haha [ u all know who u are ] thanks all .. u guys never fail to do silly things that make me laugh .. and disturb me and bully me VERBALLY but i still LOVE u byytches lyk ever <33 thanks ((: ` <33 4A3 `09
And not forgetting my fwens and family oso .. i promise to work harder and treat myself better [[ as in i wont abuse myself again ]] and dun let you all worry ..
thinking back i m really very lucky .. and i realli love my life now .. ((: ` so dont anyone dare to destroy it ((: ` lalas .. <33
