twitter .. twitter .. still twitter .. sick and tired of getting sick and tired .. recently negative thoughts keep haunting me .. still , i m smiling .. (: . i dont know how long i can "tahan" but .......... let it be .. (: ~ i've got alot of people ard me , more unhappy de .. i need help them cheer up ^^ .. off to mission ~ tatas !





loveyou ... no more ..

today is peaceful ~~
i like the feeling when i am able to share my sweets and choco with everyone .. even ppl i barely know .. so long they give a smile and " thank you " that'll be good enough to make my day .. sometimes life is just so easy .. this bit only .. just see life as easy as like that everyday will passby very happily alr ((: ~
im glad today is better for one people . cos i believe ONE/FIRST is a start . slowly more ppl will get better ((: ~ just rmb , every little bit is improvement . actually i got alot way to help some one know bout life but all is silly act . if u all dont mind trying . tell me , i teach you . but believe me . it helps . in one way or another . though silly .. (: ~
iLOVEyou all .. everyone .. alot alot and alot ... even ppl dislike me , i wanna say " bless u all " too bad we no chance be fwen . maybe next life la k ^^ .. hehe

"alone journey" day ~
MISS dont know ; i know those talks in e canteen and also e tagging along ur alone journey didnt help .. but still i hope in one way or another u are feeling better .. really hope so .. that's all ii can sayy .. think of funny things la .. like the "weird kid" i saw and the burping aunty .. and the "silence please" haha .. dont think too lowly of urself or wadever .. sometimes other ppl not always right .. it's not the end of the world .. cheer up la ~~~~~~~~~~ com'on ... when u dont smile u got the serious serious fierce look .. so must smile moreeeeeeeee ... bday coming on 16 alr .. cann watch NC16 movie alr yea ? (: ~ be happy bout that la .. life still got soooooooo many thingy thingy you've yet see .. anything just drop me a text/call like i said .. dont always " i dont know " please know something .. ((: ~ and ur yawning is getting bad to worse ! spread to me also .. now as i using com @ lan shop i cannot stop yawning also -.- ..
take care and cheer up . rmb anything find me .. dont think silly things all kayy .. bless u ..
MISS dont know ; at least know that i m referring to you kayy -.- . buhbyes ~

Labels: alone journey ((: ~

yo ? hi all .. those who keep read and never tag one horh ! is time to tag tag me alr horh ! hmmps !
left school earlier today .. was sick ! back ache .. anyway in class also i doing nothing .. i drawing and scribbling all over about ...... cant bloody seem to concentrate also .. haha .. at the rate i m going now who the fuck would believe i actually topped my N level ? lOL ! sigh . very distracted .. by who/what some will know -.-'' zzz .. some ppl tel me .. " alr not possible , den let it go la .. why want hold on waste time waste this waste that " .. actually never idd i once find it waste of time or anything .. sigh .. i dunnid scolding .. i need comforting .. u all never seem to see this .. i also SICK AND TIRED alr la .. Dr.F told me yesterday i dont need go back for my check up alr .. meaning i fully recover .. same old questions he always ask : " still upset recently ? " , " do you still have suicidal thoughts ?" this and that la .. but what i ans him is , " i m fine , i dont find a need to get upset anymore " which is true .. that's why i m happier now .. cos i didnt bother bout so many things like i used to .. maybe when u choose not to care life would be better . life now . i so tired that i dont have e strength to hold on to anything anymore .. and i realise when this happens it's e time when to me ; life and death doesnt matter .. i just wanna lead my life like that and wait for death's arrival .. anyway it's sooner or later . (: .. bye ~

gonna be emo kid today .. sigh ..
i dont know why but sheena random told me this that day " gina let go la , let it be fwen nth else " .. actually easier said than done la . it's killing me also .. you all think i dont wanna ? it's really hard for me to hide my emotion always .. still laughing and playing as if nothing had happened . i am human also in case you all forgot .. i m not as weak as u all thought , but definitely not as strong as u all see .. but one good thing is , i wont let these negatives thoughts haunt me for too long .. i know how it feels like when my world was once black and white for one whole solid year .. when life is at risk , every now and then .. special care needed this and that .. those toughest time alr had past .. so this is definitely nothing .. looking back now ; i do have alot ppl i know indeed , alot ppl know me also .. but the sad thing bout it is i dont have ppl i fully trust and consult in everything and i mean every single little thing .. i used to have one very very very close fwen .. she know almost everything .. we share soooooo many thing tgt .. but nt now anymore .. we are fren back now alr , but still , we know things wont be like in e past .. trying so hard to help ppl back on track , ask them think positively those .. everything is draining away whatever i have .. i am tired .. i feel like really blocking off everyone .. i did it once .. meaning if i really wanna i can do it again .. but i dont want to .. i dont wanna waste my life living in my own world .. it's really tiring .. my bottle is alr 3/4 full .. i dont know when it'll explode / overflow .. when i hide and cry who knows ? when i still trying to hold on , who is willing to lend me a helping hand ? forget it . i give up . on ppl . i wont trust anyone . i can only rely on myself .. only myself ! bye .

aloha ~ ((: ! okay first , i know u all read and dont tag . but it's okay . as long as u dont bark behind me can alr ((: ~ weee ~


Speech Day :
Thank shan , early morning bless me for my performance via text .
appreciate it alot . really . thanks .
my last performance .. gonna miss them ALOT ! really ...
Today i received my prizes , am happy ((: ~
After performance , went back CO room saw my phone got text ,
that text made me smile like a retarded in e room .. ((:
receiving that text is better than receiving e vouchers , haha =x
anyway , really meant alot to me .
Went Causeway with mummy after that ,
met granny and aunt .. had lunch there and shop around .
I walked around by myself .. cant seem to concentrate or join in their conversation
too many things going on in my head .. Basically , one thing -.- ! but enough alr , trust me ! -.-'
tiring day . still got sinda ltr .


to friends :
few of my friend kept asking me if i am alrights recently .. hey , just let u sayangs know i am fine .
i know that you all know wall post ; blog ; twitter ; msn ; phone and all is talking about e same person .
rest assure i am fine . really am fine . CL ; you asked me if i tired .. i got to say a lil tired perhaps . but every choice i make i got to bear e responsibility . since i choose to love den i gotta be prepared for all e pain and everything . that person gave no promise no anything . i cant expect anything . and to me now , loving one doesnt mean getting them . As long as this person is happy , studying hard for a better future , nothing else matters to me ... for e rest of e fwen . no worry .. i not so weak one la .. haha . thanks for e concern . im very happy with everything i have now .. seriously .. happy with life now and with everything AROUND me be it mine or not .. ((: once again thanks and bless all .. most importantly ; bless you ~

Labels: only god knows ..

nothing to blog about , random only (: ~ wee .. my homework dam freaking lots everyday , but i rather spend my time talking on e phone .. den ltr @ night stay up till dam hell late to complete or simply get scolding and all the next day . like wth .. why cant they give less home work .. must understand chit chatting on e phone also included in my time table ! grr ! still .. i love school ((: ~ i LOVE NVSS ~ ^^




yayaya .. and I LOVE YOU ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ lalalalala ~ <33333333333333333333333333333 .

*claps* the FIRST time i go blank for my MTL ! never ever did it happen before .. and yes ! today it happened ! i was having conversation with my teacher and i thought i heard YOU talking to me .. den my mind went blank .. forgot what i want to say .. -.- and the teacher smiling away ! embarrass to the max ! distracted too easily -.-'' okay , gonna make it up ; gonna do better for P1 and P2 .. shiat ~ anyways ; i'll nt be updating that often alr .. lazy la .. but can follow me .. twitter (: ~ hees .. join the conversation can alr (: ~ kayy la .. lazy alr .. bye ~~


imissyou so much ! wanna so badly to go to your class to see you just now during lesson time .
still i know ; studies come "first" ` .. cannot go walk walk around ~ sobbx ~ iLy idiot ~

who ever put my words in mind ? i say it and u all simply just forget about it right ? even the most basic thing like going out or whatever .. guess i am just of no importance to anyone .. till e day if i stop breathing .. who would care ? i tried my very best .. wanna continue be positive .. but just realise .. too hard .. i m tired .. physically and mentally .. in one way or another ..
i mean it ; thats why i said it .. i didnt say for the sake of saying everything ..
who knows ? i know it's another tough journey / learning journey he wanna me to walk through .. thank you god .. i know u wont put me through what i couldnt take .. i'll persevere .. i'll try .. i promise ..



Friends , Family , You ; sometimes i expect a lil more from u all simply because i love you all too muchh .. and when i say it .. i really mean it .. iLy . sigh .

a long post ; for my Friends ; family ; teachers ; my love and e rest ..



family ; i know u all try ur best to give me everything u all can .. u all dont stress me and anythin u all let me work @ my own pace .. thank you all alot .. i know that u all will be the one who will keep ur promise to take care of me till ur very last breath .. u all will scold me , hit me .. and at the end of e day still standing by me telling me the rights and wrong and still love me .. thank u all alot alot .. realli .. i love you all
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friends ; i love my bitches now .. with them around it's really live in my own comfort zone .. they never ever pressurise me with anything .. and it's only with them i can see that RELATIONSHIP is nt always a barrier to friendship .. i love them alot .. and i really hope to go up to poly with them .. not e same poly nvm at least we all go up tgt .. babes ; u all were e reason why i look forward to everyday . really very fun hanging out with you all .. no stress ; no arguments .. nothing .. thank you all so much ! <3
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the other group of fwen ; going 10 years alr .. from very young we play .. until now .. all 17 alr .. grow up le .. things change .. everyone got own clique own group of friend .. we have quarrels here and there .. but still tahan till here .. thank god ! we are nt as close as before .. sometimes even mia very long no one contact each other . all of us must think back lo ; to other group of fwen we got do this ? i am not saying i m nt like that . i also like that . i know . i just hope we'll spend more time ; "polishing" our friendship and perhaps another 10 years down the road we will sit tgt and say " 20 years ago ........ " bless us ..
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Teachers ; i love you all alot .. you all were e reason why i m able to do well . thank you all for everything ; i rmb when i m "hopeless" that time so many ppl give up on me , dunwan bother bout me . but my teachers brought me back to track .. still rmb when i get into police case is u all help me write good report . thats why dont need go girls home . and now ; topped our school for N and hoping to do well for O also . am coping well .. and its thanks to all of you .. when i got no one to turn to .. i know i can always go and find u all .. when i go out work one day i will still rmb ; i graduated from NVSS and the teachers there gave me everything i have now .. i thank my parents for giving me life ; but i'll thank my teachers for my future success .
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love ; at times after a "deep thinking session" i miss you alot .. always have this sudden emotion to send a text to you to tell you how much u meant to me .. always have this sudden urge to tell you how much i miss you . but i cant do any of the above . and we know clearly why . still ; i'll bless you and your love .. and keep in mind ; the only reason i am there is not to mess up ur life. i am here when u need some one to talk to about anything and everything .. i know u have some one there now alr . but still ................ i'll be the other option . just know that , i dont show it doesnt mean i dont love you enough .. it's just that i chose to love you silently . giving u all e blessing u need ^^ . i love you .... so muchh ..
- letting go is not easy , i know i said before alot of times i will try .. but still , it's definitely nt gonna be now that e feeling will "disappear" .. please understand , thats the only thing i expect .. nth else .. -

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everyone ; i know i've yet mention alot of ppl , like last years classmates , juniors and some friends ..
i have all ur names in heart ; but just too many to type here la -.-' ha! okay anyway ; to each and everyone of u .. i treasure knowing u all .. even to ppl i dislike ; i know u all good person in one way or another .. perhaps we are just nt fated to be friends .. i just hope one fine day we'll be able to communicate and even if we are nt fwen the least is we dont hate or dislike each other .. i m glad that i have u all in my life .. yes ; life sucks ; life never ever fair .. but i've gt ppl like u all in my life ; thats why i can proudly say ; my life very beautiful .. i'll learn to appreciate it more .. bless you all ..

Labels: iLOVEthem

First ; baby , whatever it is that your choice is , i will always support you .. i noe how you feel .. so nt gonna say muchh .. loveyou .. and baby ; i know i say 1001 time i will try .. i know u keep say i never try .. i THINK i m .. but i actually also dunno la .. zzz .. sry baby .. sry co .. need time ..


seriously , i dont know what to say .. but things keep happening .. around me ..
i used to share everything with fahh .. but now i guess i m just not sharing to anyone anymore .. ya , maybe letting things out here and there .. bits by bits .. but ..... still .. want serious sit down share de time ppl playing , joking all not serious .. cos my problem is not problem right ? can heck care right ?
actually u all noe or not , some time u all say de thing really very hurting .. think back la . previously so many thing happen i unhappy i got keep quiet ? i now really is want peacefully pass .. yet so many things happen .. i very messed up seriously .. not only cause of ONE person .. but cause of everything .. i still playing a fool ; still trying solve ppl problem all those .. i dont know this can go on hw long .. but still i trying .. let it be ..


- life one year back suck to core .. everything is seriously black and white ; medication needed to control emotion .. and i really dont want that anymore .. i very tired alr .. not as weak as u all thought , yet not as strong as u all see -

Labels: am i trying ? god knows . cos i duno either

hey peeps . okayy .. life this few days shucks ! ppl finding me problem for no reason .. is like so wtf ..
seriously , this post is specially for you !

to that life-less idiot :
hi life-less idiot . you are really pathetic,understand that you are trying very very hard to make life difficult for me .. but , sad to say .. my friends all very supportive .. especially ; saras , sabrina , naandhini , sheena and afifah .. try harder okayy ? and i needa tell you , u seriously need to take stock of your life .. you realli need to see how is your relationship w pl around you first ! i know you "kind hearted" trying to "solve" ppl's problem for them but sad to say , no one appreciate .. hush ! dont cry.. look here .. i gt better things for you to do .. go and build up ur relationship with ppl around you go self reflect ! cos u got serious problem .. i heard SOOOOOO much bout you .. seems like u gotta a serious prob .. i understand the fact that u are "busy helping ppl" that u've got no time for uself .. but just think for urself first k i think everyone would be "happy" for you ^^ .. may god bless u ..