todayy is off day !
woke up early , help grandma prepare ingredient for dumpling *yumyum* , breakfast with shan @ grandma house ..
after that head off to bugis .. shop around ..
spend so much $$ todayy :( ~
bought shirts & a hat .. that hat cost like $45 -.-'' and like quite ex cos not branded ?vwadever it is , i'll need to collect it on sunday .. hopefully it's nice ..
went over to chen house .. sleep .. freaking tired ..
31st will be my last day working @ tangs .. the saddest part is yusita is nt working on that dayy .. gonna bid goodbye to all my seniors .. will miss them darn hell loads .. especially yusita :( ~ 4th jan , skul reopen .. gotta switch back my mood and alot thingy ..

------
how am i suppose to tell you ?
who e hell can accept it ?
it's fact .. i didnt want it to be this way either ..
i thought you will understand ..
everything you said is still running to and fro my fcuking brain ..
imissyou .. iloveyou .. yes YOU !

Labels: silence ..

feel weird ? sad ? stupid ?
what's e reason ?
izzit because the one that know how i feel is nt my friend ?
or izzit because my friend dont know how i feel ?
i know many people can't accept ..
i thought i can share with someone ..
but the fact is ...
i can share with no one ..



-all alone-

talk / give comment = i wrong
dont talk / no comment = i wrong
bother , care and put feeling = i wrong
dont bother , dont care , dont put feeling anymore = i wrong
angry = i wrong
DONT ANGRY ALSO WRONG !? o.o''
i m losing myself among you all .. everything i do dont seem right ..
what's wrong with really dont feel like talking ?
really nothing happen .. i not emo-ing .. i just dont want to give comment or anything
i just want to be myself .. human all will change , so will i ..
i dont get angry now le , i smile i let you all make decision , i no comment no anything
you all say i dont bother .. do nothing .. you all rather i angry i talk i give all comment .. this wasnt wad you guys said earlier on .. isn't it ? i noe ONE of you will see this post .. den i'm telling YOU , i'm changing ..
i just wanna see what will happen next , because i know god had it all written in his "book" ..
i'll not be like before , when i talk and laugh and get angry bout things that i m unsatisfied with ..
i just want to be a little bit more alone ..
it's a good thing ..
i've already learnt to accept thing as it is .. regardless good or bad ..
please understand ..
* god bless everyone around me *







------
wanna find an excuse to text you girl ..
but ...... this very weird feeling i have ..

frankly , all along , i know what is going on in my life ..
i am only smiling comforting myself that everything will be alright ..
i managed to change my thinking towards my surrounding ..
i understand that , many things are beyond my control ..
god long ago written it in his " book of life " ..
so far , i got to say , i m doing well ..
being able to control my emotion ..
but i realise , is only for a time being ..
because as i start to not talk about anything and treating it as nothing and dont want to mention"
i start to bottle things up .. the more i keep , i realise i dun feel like talking .
i dont want to speak to anyone .. because i m keeping too much inside and i m afriad of "humans" seriously ..
no one is true .. no one is real .. everyone is putting a mask infront of each other ..
even if u treat another person well , they will not appreciate it .. even if u realli love the other person , they will not know it ..
something very funny .. when u really love a person and care for a person , it will always be taken for granted .. you dont cherish the care and love that people give you .. but u complain about the love and care that another person did not give you ..
den think back , izzit fair to the person that really love and care for you ?
you never know , that person only want you to smile , to be happy , but u are upset bout who who who doesnt care and love you .. but the one that really care and love you is listening to you .. sitting right infront of you ..
which part these ppl dun understand sial ?
i understand that if you give doesnt mean you got to get something back , but frankly , question yourself ..
when u treat some one u love very well , u expected something back right ? that's the smile of theirs and hope that they will happy .. but when they are not at all .. you will also never will be ..
*giddy* .. i really need to go back to the days when i isolate myself from everyone ? if that is the best way , i will .. sick and tired ..

hellO !!
okayy first , i pass-ed and am able to go to sec5 .. scored 9 points for 5 sub and 12 for 6 sub ..
next year is going to be a really difficult for all of us ..
reflecting back , when i'm in sec1 and sec2 , i always get into trouble
quarrelling with teachers and leaving the classroom as and when i like .
skip school this and that ..
i m so lucky that my teachers didnt give up on me , and they did not leave me alone when i need them most ..
very thankful to my form teacher miss chong .. she was the reason why i started studying ..
i remember when she stay in school till real late to coach me/us ..
a million thanks to her ..
i'll promise to work harder next year ..
just got home .. will be working tmr .. maybe she will be bringing me to work ..
hopefully then .. <3 ..

tmr is result le .. is like so FAST !? haish .. needa leave tangs soon .. as i know even if i dun make it up to sec5 i m still going to continue my education .. will anyone miss me anots ? *hello*? *echo back* .. forget it .. im always alone .. coming to and fro all alone .. ((:~
but i'll MISS yusita MOST ! todayy although didnt do much sales .. but was very happy ^^ ! *chie chie chie chikacheng chikacheng* because i doing stock w alan and yusita .. and went around collecting puppies to do balloons .. and burst some balloons accidently =x .. made yusita scream like saw ghost ^^ .. den after work , yusita hubby waited for her .. den she also send me home .. tgt .. yusita rocks ! love her most ! ((: ~ i promise you 1st one receive my text tmr when i get result ((: ~ good or bad i'll inform you kay mam .. <33 ..



xmas is like so near yet so far , so far yet so near ..
if my last day of working is 24th , 25th i confirm ready emo whole day ..
locking myself up .. wait till 'recover' den see how ..

watched 'couple retreat' with my dearest classmates yesterdayy .. so funny ! had a good laugh .. after that initially want to treat them so eat ice cream . but the shop closed .. ended up hanging out outside TANGS <33 taking pictures .. saw yusita in the TPO when taking pics .. went in talk to her .. after finish taking pic , 10+ they headed back yishun :( , and i taking bus back cck .. but .......yusita ask me wait for her , she send me home .. so i just follow where-ever she go incase this madam of mine forget me .. =x .. 11+ she go fetch her husband denn send me home .. anyways , thanks for e ice cream ((: ~ YUM ! [ initially is i wanted treated ppl ice cream skali become my supervisor treat me ice cream ^^ HURRAY ! ]
a little emotional now , not sad but just felt bless-ed .. saying thank you to all them ~
before them , i wanna thank god for giving me everything i have now .. thank you for the pain that u put me through to help me grow .. very appreciated .. please bless people around me that i love .. thank you lord .. *amen*



family / relative :
thank you you all for being there for me . providing me everything i have now .. though is isnt what i felt all along that i wanted .. but i start to appreciated every little things you all give me , rather than all the things that you all didnt give me .. i will try my very best to live to the fullest and not make you all worry like previously .. work life really made me grow up .. i hope you all will see it someday , i still hope things will be how i wanted it to be someday .....



Qing , Shan , Fa , Dan , Ming , Ling , Chen :
thank you for being there for me when i need you all .. maybe after we slowly grow up , we got our own things to do already .. own life .. life is nt like previously .. only revolves around hanging out with friends .. no matter what , i wanna let you all know you all are great friends .. although we quarrel at times and even didnt talk to each other for some period ( should know who i meant ) but the memories no matter good or bad , i'll nt forget .. some of us 9 years friendship and still counting .. i wanna go through my ups and downs with you all , because you all are just like my family .. hope our friendship will last long .. *bless*




classmates :
1e3`06 , 3a3`08 , 4a3`09 .. i enjoy being able to study with them .. being able to disturb them .. they make me feel like going to school every single day , just to see what 'show' will happen that day .. makes me feel so funny , when 20min ago we are like scolding each other like going fight .. den later we are like the best classmates ever ! thanks to you guys , life in north view is great .. cant imagine it without you guys .. hope that we will still be able to stay in contact .. *love*



miss chong :
if you were not my form teacher in sec3 i know i will not be here today , being able to get the grades i want .. as a teacher , you managed to change a student life .. you made me realise the hardwork of teachers and made me wanna study hard .. i might have disappointed you in one way or another .. more than once more than twice .. i sincerely apologise .. no matter what it is or how thing is now , i just want to say thank you to you .. i'll never forget that i once have a nice cher , going through ups and downs together with us .. she is always there for us , although the problem we give her stack up already taller than her .. and she love us like her own kias .. once our mama chong , always our mama chong .. once again , sorry and thank you .. *love*



yusita :
thank you for making my first job experience an enjoyable one .. you taught me things that i wont be able to learn from teachers in school .. thank you for willing to spend time , sitting @ the basement listening to me , and talking to me .. thank you for allowing me to share part of your problem with you and cry together with you .. i once told you before .. i cant solve your problem for you , but the least i can do is to listen , to lighten ur burden a little .. and i promise everything will be kept to myself .. god will be my witness .. a mummy rather than a supervisor i see .. thank you so much .. 1 month + is ur existence that made work life full of sparkles and fun .. you made the selling floor like home to everyone .. thank you for the effort you put in .. to piece up level 4 together .. i know it .. and i am sure the rest will know it too .. god bless you .. must take care yourself .. i cannot always 24/7 remind you , cannot drink cold drink , cannot this cannot that kayy .. bless you mam .. iloveyou ..

okayy ~ cool ~~ stay calm .. i've got something to announce ..
YUSITA IS BACK ! haha .. i got it all over my fb , msn .. and now blog ! [ fyi , yusita is my supervisor ]
i miss her darn hell lots sial ..
glad that she is back .. safe .. and still as cheerful as ever ..
ytd was e first day she back .. i very happy initially .. skali something happen den i very emo emo .. i cried in e store .. den after work i text-ed her .. she came down and we chat-ed ..
but she busy la ~ run here and there .. but still glad that she try to be there thought she busy ..
she told me alot of thing .. and i understand what she meant ..and i'm gonna keep it in mind ..
funny part is .. initially was me going tell her my problem .. skali wait for her busy come back , i nt sad le .. become she tell me her problem .. i listening .. hahas .. and later two other seniors join us .. but nt talking about problem anymore .. this time gossip-ing .. i listening .. so funny .. like whole lobby our laughter .. thanks to them , when the clock struck 12am , my mood is very good ~ text-ed yusita , and den off to bed ..


mam , i will always remember e promise i made ..
just like i told you , god will be my witness ..
is a promise .. okayy ?

work life is great .. ((: ~ less conflicts nowadays .. hopefully will lst till the day i leave tangs .. gonna miss them so muchh .. sometimes you see , there's so many fun things that happened around me .. i used to share it with her .. my closest friend .. but ............... not gonna elaborate .. she wont be back .. not the one i knew before .. what's e point .. isn't it ? gotta learn to let it go ..

omg ? this picture is like quite sometime ago le lo .. i very long never emo le ((: ~ wee ~~

i know once i send that message there is no turning back anymore ..
i really should'nt let myself sink deeper into this stupid trap and play this freaking game that god wants me to play ..
i cant afford to lose .. you know ?





[ a song i wrote . a few sentence for you ]
when i tell you i miss you , would you listen to me ?
when i say i love you , would you believe in me ?
when i say i need you , would you know ...
how much you meant to me ...
-iLOVEyou-

SONG - one last :
i never could imagine , life without you
from the moment you walked into my world
never knew how long the loving flame could burn
but losing you has forced me to learn
and we can't change the way we feel inside
and every try at love never turns out right
we both knows it's better if we just let it go
so let's have,one last kiss,one last touch
one last tender moment between us
one last dance,to our first song
while pretending there's nothing wrong
let's stay here for a while and
cherish every moment we're in denial
we both know,it's better if we just let it go ..
every time i try to take a stand at all
i see your face again and i fall
in the middle of the night there's a scent of a rose
the smell of ur perfume i suppose
but we can't change the way we feel inside
annd every try at love never turns out right
we both know it's better if we just let it go
so let's have,one last kiss,one last touch
one last tender moment between us
one last dance to our first song
while pretending there's nothing wrong
let's stay here for a a while and
cherish every moment we're in denial
we both know,it's better if we just let it go
baby if we met each other under a different sky
maybe things would be much better between you and i
we could always hold on to this one special thing we share
but it would be too much for us to bear
so let's have
one last kiss,one last touch
one last tender moment
between us,one last dance
to our first song
while pretending there's nothing wrong
let's stay here for a while and
cherish every moment we're in denial
we both know,it's better if we just let it go ....

Labels: counting down 29 days .. i'll need to leave the place ..